


Sammy's Gotta get Laid

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coming Out, Dean Has a Sexuality Crisis, Dean in DEANial, F/M, Gabriel talks about his sex life, I'm sorry that wasnt funny, M/M, POV Third Person, Past Tense, Sam-Centric
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-11-01
Updated: 2015-11-01
Packaged: 2018-04-29 02:03:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 904
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5112251
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I wrote a prompt, and was forced to go about filling it myself. So here you go, Sam chooses the worst time to come out. Meanwhile, Dean has to deal with his own closetedness.</p>
<p>Or,</p>
<p>It was going to be a double date, because what better way to assure your younger brother of your blatant heterosexuality?</p>
            </blockquote>





	Sammy's Gotta get Laid

**Author's Note:**

> I don't know what the word count is doing? lts stuck on 786, but it's really 900something

Dean was in one of those moods. One of those “Sammy needs to get laid” moods. They usually lasted around a week or so. But this one just happened to be worse than the others. Partially because Sam was pretty sure Dean was going through a gay panic. So, Sam tried to turn it off, and set terms he never expected Dean to follow.

  * It had to be a date. At a decent restaurant with waitresses instead of strippers. Wine instead of whiskey. Grease-free.



So, in return, Dean set a term of his own.

  * It was going to be a double date, because what better way to assure your younger brother of your blatant heterosexuality?



Sam tried his hardest to be unattractive. It was a certain kind of adorable. He spent a little too much time trying to find his ugliest shirt and accidentally convinced Dean that he was excited and cared about how he looked. Both were true, but in different ways. He was excited to go home and sleep _alone_ that night. With some help from Gabe, (the first time he whispered " _No, not that one."_ Sam jumped and banged his forehead on the doorframe.) he finally settled on a shirt from who knows how long ago, a shirt he used to love, a godawful blue shirt with these thin white stripes. It never fit right in the shoulders anyways.

Dean put on a dress shirt, took a (one night only, of course) vow of sobriety, and actually shaved. Dean knew how to look nice. Sam didn't believe that Dean would go through with this until he walked out with his best tie on. He still didn't believe. He was probably just going to go play altar-boy at some queasy, slimy bar, and drop Sammy off at a chain pizza place with a handful of coupons. (“It's a crowd favorite”, Sam could remember him saying. “Women like a man in touch with his.. _spirituality_.”) And yet he still found himself, half an hour later, at a decent restaurant with two b-grade women. Women who wore push-up bras and _contoured,_ whatever that means.

 

It was only 8 o'clock, and Sam was already ready to go home. His girl was a class A brat who could hold her bitchface to rival Sam's. (“You two must be perfect for each other! She has bitchface #27 locked down.” Dean had taunted when Sam 'needed to talk for a second'.) Dean's girl could've been okay for a hookup, but she was boring as hell. That was okay. Dean wasn't paying full attention anyways, he was too amused with Sam. Angela, that's Sam's date's name, had the worst manners. Sam had to keep himself from wincing every time she talked with her mouth full. That didn't stop him from physically bristling every time she spoke, mouth full or not.

But Sam had to keep his mouth shut, and he got into the habit of attacking his salad every time she said "her and me", everytime she set her silverware on the table, and everytime she did anything remotely annoying. So, he appeared ravenous. That was okay. Maybe she'd start to hate his 'bad manners' and call it a night. But, overfocused on her own conversation, she barely noticed.

Finally, Sam had had enough. So he stood up. Dean looked at him strange. “You know what? I'm done with this. Sorry, Angela.” “Its Amelia.” She had interjected and Sam waved her off. “Whatever. I'M GAY. I. AM. **HOMO. SEXUAL.** I DON'T KNOW WHY IT'S SO HARD TO GET THROUGH TO YOU, BUT I AM VERY, VERY, UNFORTUNATELY, PERMANENTLY, PERSERVERINGLY GAY AND THERE IS _NOTHING YOU CAN DO ABOUT IT!_ WHY DO YOU THINK I USED TO TAKE “FRIENDS” TO MOTEL ROOMS? TO PLAY _BACKGAMMON??_ EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE ABOUT AS STRAIGHT AS A SILLY STRAW, WHY PROJECT YOUR GAY PANIC ON ME?! YOU DEAL WITH YOUR OWN CLOSET. AND YOU KNOW WHAT, DEAN? YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE? _I'M NOT EVEN SINGLE! I AM FUCKING GABRIEL, ARCHANGEL OF THE FREAKING LORD AND THERE IS **NOTHING IN HOLY HELL THAT YOU WILL EVER BE ABLE TO DO ABOUT IT!!”**_

Sam, red-faced and being stared at by an alarming amount of people, grabbed his jacket, stuffed some french fries in his pockets and left a purple-faced Dean and two very angry, very straight women at his table. He left his phone, and didn't dare thank Dean for leaving it (and, most likely as a peace gesture, a box of condoms) on his night-stand.

And then one day Gabe started showing up at the bunker. Like all the time. _Dean was really thankful that this place had thick walls_. And then it occurred to Dean that Sam had started acting _happy._ So Dean pulled Gabe aside one morning, early on, before Sam was awake.. "I don't know what you're doing to my baby brother, but you better keep doing it, or else I'll-" "Torture me slowly, yeah, yeah, I know. I got it." Gabe winked. "Sammich doesn't know about the whole 'no-gag-reflex' thing yet. Morning sex. You should try it sometime. Just not here-!" Gabe shouted after Dean, who, with his hands on his ears and a deep red blush, was sprinting out the door.

 

"Oversharing. Works every time." Gabe said, laughing to himself.

 

 

 

And one day, a couple months later, Cas started showing up all the time too. Nobody talked about that either.

**Author's Note:**

> BECAUSE I'M DUMB I FORGOT TO MENTION THE "Oversharing. Works every time." LINE WAS BLATANTLY STOLEN FROM THAT SAM WINCHESTER, THE HEAT SEEKER THING WHICH I LOVE SO MUCH.
> 
> Also. You guys know which shirt I'm talking about. Stop denying it.


End file.
